FIXED - WELL NEARLY. I just uni/reinstalled for the 10th time today. Completely cleaned out all directories. Installed from tmp directory. I changed the SQL file to jos_ prefix and imported successfully.
The only way I got it to work was using
Force to use mysql4-compatible version set to Yes.
So I got it to load finally, in local development anyway. I opened a port so that I could test mobile devices in local dev. Now all I need to figure out is why none of my menu items are are displaying the page (they are changing headings when I select, but all I have is the same menu in the middle of my screen) using iPhone 4.
Nearly there mate, but I'm sure others will benefit from this thread..